


No Regrets

by Crazy_Pairing_Person



Category: Dude That's My Ghost!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, M/M, duh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Pairing_Person/pseuds/Crazy_Pairing_Person
Summary: Billy Joe Cobra has no regrets about anything he does. He does not regret trashing those hotel rooms, nor does he regret cancelling photo shoots based on cameramen's jeans. He does not regret loving himself above - almost - everything else, nor does he regret it when he falls for one single person in his entire life, and he does not regret it when these feelings carry on into his lack of life.Most of all, he does not regret how he died. Because if it's between himself or Spencer, he'll always save Spencer.





	No Regrets

It's the anniversary of the big day.

The day that changed Spencer's life. The day that ended Billy's.

Today, six years ago today, Billy Joe Cobra died.

This day, one would think, would cause Billy to act depressed. But he doesn't. Because he has long accepted that he is dead - he certainly doesn't like it, no, but he has accepted it.

The one who always acts depressed on this day is Spencer. No matter how Billy tries to convince him that he doesn't regret what he did, it doesn't stop Spencer from feeling guilty.

That stage light should have crushed Spencer. That's what he thinks.

Today is also the day that Spencer turns eighteen. Spencer's birthday, ever since his twelfth, has been a depressing affair for him. His family has long since learned this, as have his friends, and they always respectfully act as if the day is any other day.

Though, today has somewhat of a silver lining. Billy watches, follows, as Spencer rides his bike right past the school - Ponzi will only torture him with reminders of what day it is. They both wonder if he would be more kind of he knew the reason for Spencer's depression, but neither cares to find out.

Today, ever since moving here, Spencer always goes down to the park. The one that Billy used to take him to on his birthday. He'd always keep his entire day clear on this day, always spent the entire day - entire weekend if his birthday landed on Saturday or Sunday - at Spencer's side, utterly spoiling him.

Spencer's twelfth would have been another weekend-long celebration, Spencer recalls as he parks his bike. Today is Tuesday, but Billy has insisted that they spend an entire  _week_ celebrating the big one-eight.

As much as Spencer loathes his birthday, he too wants to celebrate this one. Just this one. They both have their reasons, the same reasons.

Spencer and Billy lay out the picnic blanket and set out the basket. Billy pulls out wine for himself and juice for Spencer - Spencer is still underage for drinking, after all, though Billy could be considered underage as well if you don't count dead years.

Yes, Spencer is underage for drinking, the no-longer-living male muses, but he's now old enough for Billy to not feel guilty - too guilty, at least - about his feelings.

Today is the day.

Today is the day they had agreed that they could officially be together.

Rajeev and Shanilla, bless their hearts, both knew of this arrangement. It was why neither had yet called Spencer, wondering where he was. They already knew. Their easy acceptance made Spencer proud to call them his friends.

"I'm not sure whether to be upset or happy on this day," Spencer admits softly, eyes trained on his glass. He notes that Billy had given him a wine glass - probably so they could at least pretend Spencer was old enough to drink alcohol.

"Happy," Billy says instantly. "I keep telling you that I don't regret what happened. You shouldn't either."

"But I do." Tears sting at Spencer's eyes, and he reaches to scrub them away. "You died, Billy, and I know you miss being alive. I took that from you."

"I took it from myself. You would have been crushed by that light, do you think I'd want that? I'd have killed myself anyway if I'd let that happen to you, Spencer."

The day was so clear in Spencer's mind.

He'd been talking animatedly to one of Billy's bandmates about some sort of video he planned to make - an amateur-ish one compared to what he did now - and before he'd known it he was being shoved out of the way by Billy, and he turned around, and Billy was  _crushed_ , and someone was calling an ambulance but even the twelve-year-old knew that it was far too late.

Spencer doesn't register the hot tears streaming down his face until he felt a cold, barely-there hand brushing them away. "You know," Billy says, softly, "when I died at first... I was floating there, not really knowing what was going on... And then I saw you crying, and I didn't want you to be crying... I tried to tell you that I was okay but you didn't hear me, didn't see me..." Billy sighs, the sound shaky and unstable. "It took me a while to figure out why, though."

Then, Billy shifts, moves closer. Their lips brush, and Spencer shivers. It's cold. Billy smiles against his lips, though, and it's enough for Spencer to press his lips firmly against the ghost's - as firmly as he can.

Why can he touch Billy, he wonders?

Is it something they should think to ask, or does it really matter?

After a moment of thought, during which Billy licks his way into Spencer's mouth, Spencer decides that it's not important.

This day will always hold bad memories for Spencer. But as long as Billy is fine with it, as long as he doesn't hold a grudge, Spencer will be more than okay.


End file.
